You folks blowing shit and fucking people up on my boat? This boat. Our fucking boat, whatever you want to call it. You better be fucking glad I'd got the sense not to join in hunting you fucking down ( Read more... )

For fuck's sake, why do the pigs keep fucking following meFucking hell. I don't need a fucking pig attached to me 24-fucking-7. I'm not on a fucking ASBO, you wankers ( Read more... )

Now, now, Ladies an' Gennelmen of our dear town, as well as you lovely visitin' folks.

I'm Patrick Maguire, your local provider of delightful, town based refreshment. Y'can't miss my bar - my Temperance Bar, of course, so you've got somewhere to chat witho' the demon drink hauntin' your eve'y move ( Read more... )

[Paddy was currently balancing on a tree branch, looking out for kids doing something stupid, but mainly trying to stay out of the way and get himself a smoke break without being noticed. He lit up and watched a couple of people from above, seeing if there was anyone interesting to watch. Oh, and eying that squirrel on the branches above ( Read more... )

Apparently, the warden wants me to be fucking decent to an authority figure. So.

SAM TYLER. Yup, you win the lottery. Mr DCI whateverthefuck. You're from Manchester, right? Where abouts? How d'you like that? City or United? and don't worry, I'm neither so you ain't gonna get your head smashed in.

[Filtered to Wardens]Two things. First's a little ( Read more... )

I can't believe I just spent two hours searching for mango-bloody-chutney.

Right, so question, guys.

Is there a really bizarre food or meal you miss from home? I'm not talking Marmite weird, I'm talking pregnancy craving or 'this is all I've got left in the cupboard' weird ( Read more... )

[Inmate filter]Right, ladies and gentlemen and children ( Read more... )